Dear Barely Legal,
Due to my weak financial condition and my ill-preparedness for not booking a flight when flights were cheaper, I have to spend Thanksgiving here in Valpa-Rain-Snow with whomever else is around. I have never cooked a turkey before, any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Johnny Come Lately
Mr. Lately,
First, I recommend you attend the turkey dinner put on by the law school. Spare yourself the kitchen mess and the potential depression of eating alone. It’s usually about 5 bucks and there is more than enough good food to go around.
However, if you have already assembled a posse and really want to familiarize yourself with how to cook a bird, attempt it like everything else in life–Google the instructions.
I would like to suggest a stuffing recipe that was handed down to me by last years’ graduates Mike Abel and Nina Mariano:
WHITE CASTLE TURKEY STUFFING
Ingredients
10 White Castle hamburgers (Pickle removed)
1 1/2 c Celery, diced
1 1/4 ts Ground thyme
1 1/2 ts Ground sage
3/4 ts Coarse ground black pepper
1/4 c Chicken broth
In a large mixing bowl, tear the White Castles into pieces and add diced celery and seasonings.
Toss and add chicken broth. TOSS WELL.
Stuff cavity of turkey just before roasting.
Makes about 9 cups (enough for 10-12 lb bird).
NOTE: Allow 1 White Castle hamburger for each pound of turkey, which will be the equivalent of 3/4 cup stuffing per pound.
White Castle Stuffing is most appropriate for the indigent law student. I suggest as a perfect complimentary beverage, a 30 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon cans to complete the meal. “It is the height of hospitality, a compliment to the good taste of guests to serve that which is acknowledged as the best of its class. Pabst Blue Ribbon is the ultimate choice of all who have a keen faculty of selection.” Don’t heed Buckley’s advice in his aristocratic beer column (none of us can afford beers of the world anyway), PBR won its Blue Ribbon in 1893 and remains a timeless classic from America. Keep good beer American with your conscientious consumption or else let ‘em go only to be taken over by Belgium or some other unassuming country. Never forget the lesson of Anheuser Busch.
Dear Barely Legal,
The Multi-State Professional Responsibility Exam (MPRE) on November 8th is fast approaching. I have no idea what to study or how to study for this thing because my Legal Profession class with Prof. [redacted]consisted of him dancing on the desk and then ranting everywhere from 14th century Europe to John Yoo and the torture memos. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Ethically Challenged
Dear Challenged,
Do not worry. As you will recall, I was also in that whirlwind of a class, and somehow I passed the MPRE this summer. If Jon Berbari can pass this test, then a chimpanzee can do it, albeit the process resembled making hot dogs. It was one of those tests where I almost resigned to defeat with ten questions remaining, because every question appeared to be experimental. The examiners must have sat in the office and smoked the drapes before publishing.
My advice: Study. Study with extreme prejudice. Study like it’s that recurring bad dream where you forgot you had a class and the final is the next day. The practice exams and the mini-outline from the BarBri book should suffice. It’s a terrible process and I recommend you only have to deal with it once. Score at least an 86 so you are permitted to take the California Bar, or God forbid, the Utah Bar. We both know you are a good person who knows right from wrong by now, but study hard and prepare to be assigned an arbitrary and secretly-scaled number.
Entries (RSS)