The Forum

Like most of the weirder sports I’ve encountered, this one also comes from Merry Old England. Primarily practiced in Suffolk and Sus¬sex, England, Dwile Flonking has been clearly documented since the mid 1960s, although some scholarly commentary suggests the game could have its origins from as early as the 16th Century.
Dwile Flonking involves two teams of anywhere from ten to twelve people dancing in a circle, hand-in-hand, around the opposing flonker. This dancing is locally referred to as girt¬ing. A flonker, who is a single member from the opposing team, dances in the opposite direction around a very large chamber pot within the opposing team’s circle. However, this isn’t just any pot. It’s filled to the brim with very potent ale.
The object of the game is simple, use a two to three foot long slender stick, called a driveller, to throw an al¬cohol soaked rag at the opposing, danc¬ing team. The game works on a point system. If you smack someone in the face, this is called a wanton, and earns your team 3 points. If you hit the torso, it’s called a marther, and you earn 2 points. If you knick a limb, it’s called a ripper, and you only score one point.
So, what if you miss (misses are called swadgers)? Well, all but the heartiest of 3Ls will likely find the con¬sequences of poor aim just as gruesome as I. While the other team passes around the flonker’s driveller, the flonker must drink a pint glass full of the warm, rag soaked ale. Failing to finish your drink before the opposing team passes around the driveller yields a greater penalty. Rules vary, but many claim the disgraced flonker must finish the entire chamber pot of ale him or herself.
Although this sport seems chaotic, there are established rules. First, the entire game is refereed by a jobanowl. Originally, this spot was supposed to be filled by the village idiot, but re¬cently more experienced players have taken this position. Music starts play¬ing and the teams start dancing once the jobanowl announces “Here y’go t’gither!”. At the sound of a whistle, the flonker must launch his rag at anyone he or she sees fit. I cannot stress the im-portance of aim, swadering may mean you end up in a hospital. The game is divided up into four different segments, each called a snurd. Each team has two chances to have a member be the flonk¬er; at the end of the game, the points are tallied and the winner is declared.
Of course, there are penalties. If the jobanowl feels you’re not taking the game seriously enough, that’s a penalty drink. If you’re sober at the end of the game, your team loses a point. If, though, you end up blind-stinking drunk, and your team is victorious, you all have the honor of winning the ceremonial pewter gazunder (which, sadly, is just another chamber pot). In the end, most competitors usually don’t care who wins. Most usually just want to get something to eat. Or just drunk dial people.

David is a 1L and can be reached at Forum@Valpo.edu

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