(Note: The Juris Doctor has his B.A. in Lust, his M.S. in Romance, and his Ph.D. in Love.)
1) Separation Anxiety
Please don’t judge me Drew, but I’ve been seeing a married man. He told me that they were separated and getting a divorce. It’s been a few months now and I still don’t think he’s left her. I don’t know what to do Drew. I love him!
A) I’m sure he promised you that he was going to leave her. Men tell women that because they need the woman to believe that there can be a future or else she would have no incentive to stay. It’s called selling dreams. He knows that you aren’t going to ask to see the divorce papers. If you press him on the issue, you run the risk of upsetting him and you seem to NEED him way more than he just WANTS you. I know you say you love him but he doesn’t really love you. He just enjoys you on occasion. Chalk this mistake up to being young and move on.
2) The Résumé
Doctor Drew,
I’ve had too many relationships that haven’t turned out that great. I think it’s because I’m choosing the wrong kind of women. I’m 27 and still trying to figure out what I should be looking for. Thoughts?
A) We’re getting to that point where we need to start looking for long-term potential in a woman. Here are a few necessities: (1) Social versatility. A woman must be able to handle her own in different crowds whether it is around your friends, family, or your co-workers. (2) She needs to be supportive of her man in public and firm with him in private. Men hate to admit it but we love and need a woman that’ll keep us in check…when appropriate. (3) She needs to be able to cook. Okay, I’m all for women’s suffrage and I know this isn’t the 1940’s, but I think every man wants/deserves a woman that CAN and will cook. Fastest way to a man’s heart! (4) A nice smile is essential. There’s something about a beautiful smile that can make even the worst day seem just that much better. Heck…even in Valpo adding these qualities to a woman can take her from barely clearing rational basis to being able to withstand intermediate scrutiny.
3) A Cautionary Tale
So-called Dr. Drew. Who are you to be giving anyone advice on relationships? I’ve heard the stories about you Drew. I’ve heard all about the broken promises, the false hopes, and the trail of tears that stretch from Lubbock to Valparaiso. What did anybody ever do to you to make you so cynical about relationships!?! What are you so afraid of? Commitment…getting hurt? I mean…how dare you have the audacity to even pretend to be some sort of relationship expert considering you’ve never loved or really cared about anyone except yourself! Karma is a #%$#/& Drew! Remember that!
A) Last month I made a list of names and checked it twice to examine why I kept being naughty when they just wanted me to be nice. There comes a time in everyone’s life when he or she must realize that what they have been isn’t close to what they need to be. I promise…no I guarantee I will be better in 2009.
Dr Drew is a 3L and can be reached at forum@valpo.edu.
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