To all you thousands of 1L’s, welcome to law school. I’m sure you’re finding that the rest of us continuing students are nothing but the nicest, most helpful, non-surlyiest, most jubilant people you’ve probably ever run across.
You should see us around Christmas when finals come along, and we are so ensconced in the Christmas spirit that many of us forgo shaving in order to grow our own Santa beards and consume enough frozen pizzas and $6 bottles of ____ that our bellies jiggle like bowls full of jelly. You too can look forward to this type of care free lifestyle if you take our advice.
Steps to Success:
1. Read the dissenting and concurring opinions. No ifs ands or buts about this one folks. Ask anyone. And if you believe this one, I have a Toyota that was supposed to be recalled on four separate occasions that I can sell you. But seriously, if anyone asks you about a dissenting opinion just stand up and quote Reece Bobby from the film “Talladega Nights” and say “If you ain’t first, you’re last”. Then explain that you live your life a quarter mile at a time and sprint out of the class. Professor Lind will love that and won’t yell at you at all.
2. ABC method to classroom participation. Always Be Contributing. Seriously. No matter how banal or irrelevant of a contribution you can make, make it. You 1Ls and 2Ls are naturally amazing at this and predisposed to wow not only your professors, who are very, very interested in what you have to teach them about the law, but your fellow students as well, who would much rather hear about your own personal stories than learn about the class. After all, the majority of our 1L Criminal Law final covered what Jerry saw on an episode of “The First 48” and why it was all wrong.
3. Work as hard as you possibly can. Then work harder. Prior to undertaking a study of the law, a mentor to one of the writers posed the question to him, “Mr. [Future Writer of Barely Legal], do you want to be stupid for the rest of your life?” The wisdom that was later gained from the above quotation- and gained only after throwing-up during the very first final, after grades were given and on the first day of ASP- is that law school is hard. To succeed admirably will demand a great amount of work. And no truer words could be spoken after reading the 2010 Entering Class Profile. Which brings us to our next point: Law school is competitive.
According to the Office Admissions publication the 2010 Entering Class has an individual that performed as a background dancer to Jerry Springer on “Dancing with the Stars.” Another individual was a background vocalist for a Grammy award winning singer. If you think for a second that such gifts will secure you a trophy come time for the SELA Talent Show, well then surprise! The 2010 Entering Class also includes a Blue Belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu ready to roundhouse you off the stage.
A quote by Coach Jack Reilly probably better and more succinctly conveys the point we are trying to make, that is, “It’s not worth winning if you can’t win big!”
(editing comment, don’t publish: Brazillian Jiu Jitzu is a grappling discipline that wouldn’t teach you how to roundhouse anyone. Please adjust accordingly.)
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