Dear Barely Legal,//

I blacked out and woke up on the Moot Court team. I have the scales of justice tattooed on my lower back and can’t stop referring to my right paw as Justice Learned Hand. I’m worried that my friends might think I’ve changed. Have I?
-Gunner?//

Dear Gunner?,//
First of all, congratulations on your black out turn Moot Court success story, a true saga with all the makings of a Lifetime original movie (unfortunately the obvious title of “Dying to Belong” has already been used on Lifetime, so our Moms tell us). However, if you feel your newfound scholastic stardom has inadvertently began the application for a new team, Team “Gunner,” take this short quiz we found on WebJD.//

1. Have you had thoughts beginning with “When I teach Property…..”//
2. After being called on, voluntarily, have you referenced the professor’s law review article on an unrelated point, then tying it in with the dissents opinion and note seven following the case?//
3. Do you refuse to ask questions until break in order to keep your precious knowledge all to yourself? Or, conversely, present your uber thought provoking hypothetical right before break or the end of class. Thus, proving to the professor and the rest of the class your thirst for justice and passion for the law?//
4. Do you actually use your computer to take notes in class?//
5. Do you consider a professor’s disappointed sigh as constructive criticism and an open and encouraged invitation to speak again?//

Sadly Gunner?, if you have answered in the affirmative to any of the previous questions, your suspicion as to the source of that itching-burning feeling within is not just another episode of pre-finals paranoia. You are in fact a Gunner. Yet, do not worry over the loss of old friends, you are obviously on a higher intellectual level and they will only hold you back. Go forth and Gun! Just let us know your schedule next semester so we can avoid you like the Swine Flu.//

Dear Barely Legal,//
I hate goodbyes. There are a few special 3Ls that are probably going to graduate this year, or at least this is what I have gained from walking into the library and seeing the byproduct of Glamour Shots meets law school composite. How do I tell them just how much I appreciated their “guidance” and wish them luck at the bar and great success in their big city lawyering jobs?//

-Sad and Ronrey 1L.//

Dear Ronrey 1L,//

We share your sentiments. We too have our own beloved 3Ls that have also been glistening beacons of satisfactory guidance since the beginning of this awesome adventure we call 1L year. But fret not Ronrey, we are sure our adored 3Ls will pass their Bars with flying colors. As a matter of fact, we have word from the Northside Bar Association that many 3Ls have been putting in long hours on the weekdays, weekends, and often cranking away right through lunch to prepare for the Bar.//
The Barely Legal Office would like to extend our 3L mentors or sincerest gratitude, best wishes and the knowledge that if any of them actually get these lawyering jobs, the staff at the Barely Legal Office will be taking them in two years.//
As for you Ronrey, write your favorite 3L a poem, sing them a song or dance them a dance. Better yet, hopefully you have some other friends with generic names that resemble your 3L crush, maybe a John or something of the like for example, and you can simply forward them a previously received Someecard. Because lets face it Ronrey, they won’t remember you. Ever. And they probably would be really weirded out. We would too.

Andy and Chas are almost 2Ls (maybe) and can be reached at Andrew.Erickson@valpo.edu