By Sari Crouch And Ally Pehr
Copy Editor and Managing Editor

So it is that special time of year, whey you are working on your appellate brief, which means you are praying you won’t called on in con law and property, because let’s face it you haven’t read. Little did you know, you should also be doing something else. What you ask could I possibly be doing besides slaving away at my legal research and legal writing.LOOKING FOR A SUMMER JOB!

That’s right. Summer will get here faster than you know and you don’t want to be hanging out in May wondering if your dad’s friend’s cousin who is a lawyer will pity you and give you a job, though sending him a resume isn’t a bad idea. So shall we start from the beginning.

1) Accept these as truths right now.

A) It is not the CPC’s job to write your resume, your cover letters, and find you a job. It just isn’t. They can help you a lot. They gave you a whole book of cover letter and resume forms. Use them, take them to the CPC and they will happily help you improve them, but don’t expect them to do all the work for you.

B) You are a first year, the likelihood you are getting paid this summer is not high. If you go into your summer job hunt with that attitude you will be much happier when you don’t and thrilled if you are among the lucky few that do get paid. You need the experience at this point, so if you get offered a job that is unpaid, apply for the many public interest scholarships out there, this school offers two, and take the job.

2) Externships are a good thing. They offer valuable experience in a lot of different aspects of the law. You can really make the most of an externship in the summer too. Summertime means you have whole days to hang out at the office and really build a relationship with the judge or attorney that you work for. Furthermore, they know you are coming and are prepared with work for you to do. If you can get an externship, take it because you have already accepted not getting paid like we told you to. On top of all of this you can take another class and go talk to Ann. She will be happy to make sure that you aren’t eating cardboard all summer.

3) Jobs…how the heck do you get one. There are a couple of different approaches to getting a job. You can get on Simplicity and apply for the many that have been turned into the CPC. You can talk to you dad’s friend’s cousin and see if he or she needs a clerk. Law Crossing is a good place to look if you are looking for jobs closer to home and further from Valparaiso. If you don’t want paid you can even apply the statistical approach and send a resume to every public interest firm in a five state radius because I mean if you send out 50 statistically speaking you should get at least 5 offers back. (This one has worked for Sari….twice.). Basically, you just need to get your name out there. Set a goal for yourself that is realistic. For me, Sari, I have always had my goal be to be employed by Spring Break. It has worked so far and really takes the pressure off so I don’t have to worry about finding a job and finals, because that just sounds unpleasant.

So here is the big point. We know that you have a lot going on. We know that second semester is hard. However, you NEED to get a job this summer because you NEED the experience so that you can get a job later. It doesn’t matter if it is unpaid, paid, or an externship you need that experience on your resume. So try to take about a little time out each week and work on getting a job. After all, you have worked all year learning the law, why not work in it.

This time of year in Indiana the crappy weather, usually in the form of snow, sleet, freezing rain, or some other painful combination of liquid and frozen precipitation, drives readers into warmth. Fortunately for me, this means that perhaps a few of you will actually read this; to you, welcome back. Myself, I actually have an effective way of dealing with the extreme damp cold, namely sitting around and drinking truly fantastic beer. More specifically for me, fortified beers seem to get the job done with an unparalleled fury. It’s funny how quickly the numb extremities get warm or how quickly you forget you have them at all when bourbon is in any way involved. To that end, this month is a brewer’s tribute to beers that truly warm the soul. Logically, I went to the darkest of dark beers. I chose two that I thought would warm me up the quickest—an Imperial Stout and a Bourbon Barrel Stout. As a control for the experiment, I just had to compare a similar brew of my very own crafting.

It takes a seasoned palette to distinguish a Porter from a Stout, but lucky for you this amateur has put in the time to gather (all too much) experience in this arena. Please try this at home with caution. Our first specimen is an Imperial Stout, also referred to as a Russian Imperial Stout. Imperial Stouts were actually crafted in England, for the purpose of astonishing the Russian Tsars of the Nineteenth Century. In order to sustain the long trip, these ales were brewed to yield the maximum possible alcohol content. This is usually accomplished by using an enormous amount of dark malted barley per volume of water, and as well boiling the “wert” until it reaches a very syrupy, concentrated state. The end result is an ale that pushes the natural fermentation process to its limit, yielding brews naturally up to eleven or twelve percent (11-12%) ABV. Porters don’t have quite such a rich tale, but they are made in almost precisely the same way, but with a slightly lighter grain bill. Add bourbon, and watch out for either of these!

The Blackout Stout, brewed by Great Lakes Brewing Company in Cleveland, Ohio is a great example. Named after the great power grid failure of 2003, this Imperial Stout needed no help. Although unfortified and in its pure form, it naturally pushes the envelope in both its alcohol content and its character. There was no doubt that this Imperial lived up to its name. It left a visual impression of intimidation with me, by absorbing every ounce of the light in the room into a void of opaque blackness. The potent espresso and deep chocolate aromas would fend off the weak at heart from proceeding past its demanding nose. Subtle dark fruit aromas ran atop the espresso, such as currants, dates, or figs, but noticing these more subtle aromas required straining my senses a bit. A long awaited sip did not deviate from the typical Imperial coffee dominance I expected. The first wave of flavors truly overwhelms the palette in the form of radically intense chocolate covered espresso beans. This is followed by a strong essence of walnut brandy, and perhaps dark molasses. Through and through, this is the most balanced Imperial I have ever tasted. It is not sweet, not too dry, and no bitter finish. Overall, this was a very drinkable and tasty Imperial Stout.

I then departed down a much different path, with a much different result. I had high expectations for Barley Island Brewing Company’s Bourbon Barrel Aged Oatmeal Stout, but was severely let down. Oak is an element to beer that is rather cutting edge by current trends, but as I recently learned, it must be used in moderation. Oak absolutely drowned out whatever other elements this beer might have had—even including the bourbon. There might have been a nice malty oatmeal overtone buried somewhere beneath, but it was slain by smoky tree bark everywhere I turned. Although cedar-lined dresser drawers might be desirable in giving your socks that rustic scent, trust me, the same presence is no luxury in your beer. The oak was so severe in this beer that it even destroyed a comfortable mouthfeel; it left the inside of my mouth feeling squeaky and acidic, like if it had been coated with rosin from the bow of a violin. I definitely won’t return with my eyes out for this label.

I do have a short success story, however, for what a Bourbon Barrel Porter should have been like, and perhaps the backdrop for my distaste of the above specimen. These are painstaking beers to craft, but done right they are well worth the extra effort. We wisely decided to limit the oak to only a few weeks in our version of the Bourbon Barrel Porter. Ours was likewise much creamier by comparison, and had the sweet spiciness of the best Southern bourbon, adding a subtle hoppiness, and slightly acidic coffee flavors. Well, enough of a personal plug; you can’t obtain this one unless you happen to be in this Columnist’s inner circle. Maybe if you ask me for one, you might be able to make the winter seem a little warmer, at least for a little while… Happy and responsible drinking!

By Jordan Gwiazdon & Brandon Sanchez

Dear Legally Brunette and Brunetter, As an avid reader of your column I was crushed to learn that this will be your last submission.  However, I have heard rumors that someone is going to try and replace your column next semester. Any truth as to the survival of this great and noble column? –Vincent Dorsette, 3L

Yes, V.D. (you don’t mind if we call you that, do you?) we are leaving, and yes, apparently there are two people out there who think they have what it takes to supplant the greatest column writers in the history of The Forum, if not the world.  Although we didn’t hand pick them, they have some pretty incredible credentials.  Johnny Wad has been promoting first amendment rights while working in the adult film industry for many years while Kerry Kluger started a very profitable tanning bed company. If that doesn’t wet your appetite for more literary slop, we don’t know what does. 

But enough about them.  Obviously, your favorite monthly visitors will be headed for greener pastures as we graduate in a little over a week.  It has been a long 3.5 years here at VUSL for Brunetter, and a long, but kind-of-shorter 2.5 years for Brunette.  But during this time we believe we have unlocked the secrets to success in law school.  First, it is very important to go out every Thursday.  Although there is no longer a physical manifestation of Binwilly’s for you to attend, you can always bring Binwilly’s to wherever you are through the power of the mind!  All you have to do is pretend there is brain thumping bass in the background, find someone within the vicinity to grind up on (remember kiddies, if you don’t get consent, it’s a tort!), spend no less than $100 on your bar tab, and then black out.  This will ultimately prepare you for legal greatness as Darwin’s survival of the fittest suggests it will be the weaker brain cells that are killed off first, leaving the stronger ones to propel you to success. Second, it is important to live in a trailer or at least regularly visit one.  This helps because it will prepare you for how you will be living once you graduate law school and don’t have a job. 

Last, but not least, don’t kill yourself over finals.  Don’t neglect your friends, don’t ignore your family, and don’t irritate everyone else by complaining about how many exams you’ve had this semester.  We’ve all been there before and chances are someone has had it rougher than you.  So unclench those butt cheeks and remember that you’re still in school- so make time for yourself to have fun every once in a while…and those previously mentioned friends and family will always be right there to cheer you up if you need it.  Become an asshole AFTER you pass the Bar.           

With that being said, we would like to say that we have thoroughly enjoyed bringing irreverent humor to you once a month, and we hope you feel the same.  If not, we’ll get over it.  So long, farewell, and have a very merry Kwanzmaskkah. 

As the holiday season rests upon us, stores and radio stations bombard our ears with heavy amounts of Christmas music. It’s not that the public forgets about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, it’s just that Christmas songs have managed to cross a bridge from the religious hymn world to the pop standard world (I do realize that some Christmas music bears no relation to the religious origin of the holiday). Some would argue a lack of solemnity exists in the fact that Christmas is so commercialized and is now a product of Hallmark and retailers across the country while Hanukkah songs are considered more revered and not subject to such commercialization.

Recently, this theory of mine was put to a test. I had succumbed to the notion that Christmas music is played the day after Halloween. However, I was surprised to learn that’s not the only type of music getting air-play so early. About a week or so ago, I was in a large retail store (which I will keep nameless) and heard some music over the loudspeaker which caught my attention. I stood still, listening, not realizing I caused a traffic jam of shoppers behind me. Moving on my merry way, I realized that the song was in Yiddish. Since the two Hanukkah songs I know are “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” and Adam Sandler’s “The Chanukah Song”, and since what I heard was neither, I was impressed. After spending some more time in the store, I heard other snip-its of Hanukkah and Yiddish music as well as some readings in Hebrew (which is unusual since stores generally only play music over the sound system).

Once I returned home and let the events of the day sink in, I began to question the purpose behind such a shift in holiday music. Being the skeptical-Sally that I am, I couldn’t decide whether what I heard was a push to open the eyes of the Christmas-jaded world or whether it was a creative marketing ploy to exploit another holiday. Have I become so cynical over the years that there has to be an underlying motive to any good intention, especially by a corporation which thrives off consumerism? In the end I decided to take the situation for what it was, and that it was just an attempt to remind us that it isn’t just about Santa Claus and gift-giving this time of year. There is a bigger picture to be had regardless of our faith or lack of it. With that said, I wish you all a happy holiday season, and remember to embrace those who are different, for you never know what they may bring to the table.

This month’s article I am sharing with my good friend Andy Palmison. He has been telling me about two albums for roughly a year now, so I figured I would give him the opportunity to tell you all about them. Enjoy!

Putumayo Presents New Orleans Christmas